THE PICTURE IS OF MY HAND AND THE FROG I FOUND TODAY CALLED GEORGE
WHY BUGS AND SNAKES MAKE ME FEEL GOOD
KID’S LIKE ME HAVE TO SEE PSYCHIATRIST SOMETIMES !
On Friday I had to go to CAMHS again , at CAMHS sometimes I see a special nurse called Felicity and sometimes I see a psychiatrist called Alison really she is a doctor for my head , they can’t fix heads by talking to you , that’s just stupid . I told Felicity’ I am fed up coming to see you because I get upset ‘ . Felicity said she didn’t want me to be upset , but she talk’s about my old school and it upsets me and how I can go back to my old school for a while , mum talk’s to me about it but I take all my skin off my toes and hide under my bunk bed . Cameron use to do worse things to himself its called self-harm , he doesn’t do it any more because he’s at a good school . Felicity said she thought it was a good idea if I could stand up against bullies and when i am older and go to work their might be bullies but i am going to work for the Red Cross when i am older and people who work for them are kind like me so I can’t see that will happen , but I don’t like hitting people , Cameron would hit them for me he loves me , Cameron use to hit people if they got on his nerves he hasn’t hit anyone at his new school he’s been there for 2 years , mum went to court to get him in his school and she won . mum kept calling Felicity Emily ,I had to tell mum every time she got her the wrong name , I don’t like things wrong , mum’s always doing that . Emily is a lady that is meant to sort children out that don’t go to school she turned up on our door step with another lady mum wasnt happy she was cross , they went away and mum said that’s great she’s never met you and she turns up with her side kick a side kick is a super hero friend a sidekick can’t do anything they don’t have super powers , I asked mum if Emily was a super hero ! , she said she’s super havent got a clue , I know it’s another metaphor . Felicity said I have to learn to cope with people who are bullies I told her’ I will when I am 13′ , mum said it is good idea to learn how to deal with people who are not nice , I told mum as well I will when I am 13 . I told felicity my inner devil hasnt evolved yet , she laughed a lot . Cameron’s inner devil was evolved when he was born I asked felicity if her inner devil was evolved she laughed again , we all did start to laugh a lot , felicity said I was the funnest boy she had ever meet and that I was funny without trying . I really started to like felicity today because we done lots of laughing , I told her when I am rich I might give her a job and said I would give her better money than she gets now . I was quite happy when I left their today .mum took me to see sue , Sue is lovely she’s like a nanny to me , she had the film John Carter for me so I was really happy , she asked me what I wanted to drink I said coffee , mum said Alex will have juice . Sue’s daughter Jackie came back home , I liked her straight away we talked about horses , she loves horses but has a bad knee , Jackie’s going to be 30 she has problems like me I said she could come and live with us as well as Sue , and I will buy her a horse and some donkeys , Jackie said she will look after them and pick the poo up , she likes doing that , Jackies like me she tells the truth , she’s really smart shes met Stephen Hawkins in real life we laughed because when she meet him and she fell asleep she said he can be boring , Sheldon fainted when he meet Stephen Hawkins , we laughed about that , I know everything about Sheldon his IQ is 187 .
THE DOCTORS SURGERY IS NOT VERY SUCCESSFUL FOR ME AND MY BROTHER
Mum had to get Cameron’s prescription today and I went with her because i am just to young at 9 to stay home alone , of course I wouldn’t be alone because I have two dogs but it’s not legal to leave children with dogs so mum said . mum had phoned them in the morning so she could just run in and pick it up but it all went wrong I nearly went into full-blown melt down , I have said before you don’t melt that would be just stupid but how you feel inside is a bit like melting because I can feel myself falling to pieces inside and I can’t stop it it’s really upsetting . when we went to the desk there was a problem because they couldn’t find the prescription and mum needed it for Cameron , she doesnt normally run out but Cameron had to have one of his old medicines because he’s a teenager , it took ages then the lady had to go off then came back with the wrong one ! mum had to again ask for Cameron’s older medicine so we had to wait for over half an hour , I was starting to feel a little bit stressed then the lady came back and said the doctor needs to see you . so mum said ‘Alex I really need this for Cameron i am really sorry we have to wait ‘ so we went and sat down and it just started to get too much people were going into the doctor’s office and it wasnt us , there was two babies crying and the noise was getting on my nerves , then there was a really old man I felt sorry for him because he was really old but then he started tapping his walking stick on the floor then I didn’t feel sorry for him anymore , this went on for another half an hour I was getting really upset . when I get upset I try to regulate myself it’s like trying to reset a clock to the right time , this is really hard some autistic children hand flap and spin too but I rock back and forth to help me , it was getting so bad with all the sounds I started to rock , it wasnt making me better so mum got up and asked the lady how much longer , mum said ‘ Alex I can see whats happening we are just going to go this room next door with no one there , I was rocking and crying now and felt people looking at me . when we went to the next room no one was there and I couldn’t hear the phones either , in this room they had a blood pressure machine I like theses machines because they go tight around my arm and when I feel bad things that are tight on me help , there is a lady called Temple Grandin she invented her own squeeze machine at college people thought she was mad but she was the most clever person there and when she was stressed she squeezed herself . I keep putting one arm in then the other but I had started to go to far in my meltdown , the doctor came out to find us and said he wanted us to go in his office , I asked him ‘ do you have one of theses machines in your office ‘ he said no , I told the doctor I couldn’t go and he looked at me strangely , people say we can’t read faces but we can sometimes its harder for me . when he looked at me strangely ‘ I was nearly at full melt down inside I told him ‘ I can’t stand it , babies crying , walking stick tapping , phones ringing , waiting nearly 2 hours , don’t you understand what its like for someone like me with autism you are a doctor ‘ . mum didn’t say anything when she dosn’t saying anything I know she agrees with me , she always will say the truth comes out of babies mouths which is just ridiculous because babies cant talk so they cant tell the truth or a lie , but its one of those strange metaphors again , it really means babies and children don’t know how to lie they are taught to lie , I don’t lie and i am 9 . mum told the doctor about Cameron and she said I think its 27 mg and the doctor thought it was 25 mg but I know mum is always right about this stuff he looked on Cameron’s records and it was 27 mg mum was right . I was crying and rocking still while my arm was in the machine the doctor said ‘ is this Cameron’ I told him ‘ no i am not and thank god Cameron’s not here , he would knocking everything over if he had to wait this long with all theses noises ‘. with that the doctor went off and came back with the prescription , why he couldn’t do that straight away . when i got in the car with mum , she gave me some water , we breathed together holding hands and counting our breathing , i was sweating all over my body and squeezing mums hand really hard . mum got me better again she’s good at that , she has had lots of practice with Cameron because he has ADHD with his Aspergers his melt downs are really fast he finds it really hard to self regulate , he will go from 1 to 100 in 2 seconds , i don’t it takes me longer and i can rock but Cameron cant . i am never going back there every again .
I WAS REALLY UPSET TO TODAY , SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE JUST MEAN !
Today after my lesson with Liz knight my lovely teacher who makes me feel good about my self because I can work really well with her . we had to get some milk and bono’s for the dogs they are biscuits in the shape of bones and I think dogs like that . There was a man who said to me ‘ why are you not at school ‘ I told him ‘ i am a school refuser ‘ because I always tell the truth , that’s something I can’t help but do , the man said ‘well whats wrong with you then ‘ I told him ‘I have autism and lots of other stuff and my old school is scary for me but I do like 2 new schools mum has shown me ‘ but the man was nasty and said ‘theres always labels for you children to get out of everything and in my day I would have put you across my knee and smacked you ‘ . when people are mean mum lets me try to work it out because mum said I have to learn to deal with some things that are not nice but mum has a scoring system of 1-10 and if she thinks someones gone over the number five she gives them a special card that’s says about autism , if they go over number 7 then she pulls me behind her and sometimes nasty things will come out of her mouth , but she said this is the only time it’s allowed ! . mum said some stuff to this man and he went on about war-time and mum said to him ‘ what a shame the Germans didn’t shot you ‘ it worried me because I know German people and I don’t want to shot me , but mum said ‘ Alex all Germans are like us and 99% are very kind they sadly had a one bad man and they feel very bad about the war . so I feel ok now , and mum said whats not to like they make very good cars . when i got in the car I cried because now i am thinking about all the bad stuff that happens sometimes . mum said ‘ I must not worry people with autism are smart and wouldn’t say something like that , sadly the rest of the world is still catching up with you ‘ but I said ‘ I don’t have people chasing me ‘ mum said its’ one of those’ s metaphors again , like I gave that mean man a piece of my mind but that just means I was angry with him , I didn’t give a real bit of my mind ‘ . Cameron had a lot of people mean to him and he’s always going to have bad memories , he has to see a doctor about the bad things that happened to him so I feel sad for Cameron because he might have those things in his head for ever because no ones invented a machine to wipe out bad things in your head , but mum tries to full it with good memories she said we will squeeze the bad ones out with good ones , she said s stuff like this but I know it cant be done . not long ago mum took us to meet a special man , who’s a real life Lego builder and we were with Chloe, tom and Carolyn , before we went to meet him and build some Lego we went into costa’s because I like their hot chocolate their was a man in front we ordered our drinks and Cameron said the shopman behind the table thing is that mine , the shop man said yes . then Cameron picked it up and drank from the straw but the man in front of us said a really bad word but went to hit Cameron . mum pushed Cameron away and the man nearly hit her , she was a number 10 mad she put her hands up to the man and said ‘what are you doing trying to hit a 12-year-old boy who by the way has autism ‘! she was shouting i didn’t like it because people were looking at us and the shop man didnt know what to do . The man said sorry to Cameron and mum , but mum we are not going to let him ruin our Lego day with Duncan . one man who lived near us told my mum that children with autism should be in Victorian homes , i thought bob meant we should live in Jane Austens house but i was wrong he meant something else . That day mum made me and Cameron go inside , she said to bob no wonder you wife left you and i hope you have a long lonely unhappy life , mum said other stuff but i am not allowed to say that . I told mum i am sorry you have to do all this stuff for me and Cameron , but she said we are lucky because we know more good people than bad people so she proved it by telling me hundreds of good people we know she knows i need real facts about theses things , so i am ok now .
WHAT MUMS NEED TO KNOW ABOUT BIRTHDAY’S AND PARTIES
I’ve been thinking about this a lot , because on saturday it was my brother Cameron’s birthday and he was really happy the whole day , it hasn’t been like that in the past always , in fact for me and Cameron birthdays parties have been massive problems , I don’t mean be to say bad things about mum but she has got it wrong a lot in the past it took her a long time to really understand what a problem it was for me and Cameron . mum use to invite our class from school , and would always be thinking of interesting stuff like football party, blow up slide and bouncy castle party , Legoland party, super hero party , go-karting party I did like that one because I done that with one friend and Cameron . when I was little people would buy me stuff I didn’t like and they didn’t wrap it in green paper .sometimes I would make NT children and my family unhappy because I can’t lie and would say I don’t like it and I can’t pretend to be happy and smile, kids like me don’t like lots of different presents we like stuff we are interested in only its the way my brain thinks . at one time i could only think about Lego Starwars and model trains . what happens at birthday parties too many come and we don’t like crowds , then there’s food we don’t eat , next presents we don’t want , the worse for Cameron was people trying to hug and kiss him he hates it, Cameron is like Sheldon you cannot just touch him . so after that we could have a meltdown and it can go on for days . mum said that’s enough we will do birthdays in a different way , I like my birthdays now . Cameron’s birthday on saturday he only had me and his best friend tim go to the pictures to see the new Spiderman film , we like super hero’s a lot , then we had pizza at home because we don’t like eating out because of the crowds , so we eat pizza and played mine craft . Cameron’s best friend Tim has aspergers so he likes all the things we like and we get each other . we need to be with friends like us on our birthdays people are always trying to get us to mix with normal children they think we are going to learn to be like them , but that’s stupid because we will never think like them we can’t have brain transplant . it’s all strange because normal kids aren’t made to play with 30 autistic children to make them like us . I bet normal kids mums wouldn’t like their children being made to play with lots of autistic children , I think about all the things people think are good for me but they are NT people deciding that . once Cameron was at my cousins party and he lit all the candles himself and eat some of her cake because it had been done for him when he saw the cake Cameron thought that’s what you do with cakes , our cousin was to upset but other adults were mad but mum said don’t worry they will always remember this party and laugh about it all one day . i am glad mum understands all this stuff so I don’t worry about things that go wrong .
VISIT TO A NEW SCHOOL – LVS HASSOCKS WEST SUSSEX
Today me , mum and Tina who’s one of mums best friends from school went to visit LVS Hassocks , Tina came in our car and we had to leave really early this morning on the way there I needed quite a few wee’s and mum had to stop the car , mum said I might be nerves , but nerves can be a good thing sometimes . children with autism can get nerves when we have to do something different and meet people we don’t know , but we must learn not to let our nerves stop us from doing really good stuff and I had watched all the you tube clips of LVS Hassocks so I knew it a bit and I knew the cook was paul but I didn’t see him today . when we got there we meet a really nice lady , Jackie was the deputy head and she kind and answered all my questions , I ask a lot of questions I cant help it because what i am thinking in my head has to come out of my mouth , it’s really hard to stop . But mum ,Tina and the nice lady Jackie said I asked brilliant questions I do that a lot , questions people don’t think of not even mum . some of the children said hello to me which was kind . they have a oast house which is really high and looks really cool its like a big wigwam , then we went into a library where there was old-fashioned seats were the Nuns use to sit and pray to God , I like God but there are things I don’t believe about all the Bible stories because I don’t know how Adam and Eve knew how to talk if they were the first people theses things I think about a lot , Cameron tells me it’s not real and we come from monkeys and we are told theses stories to make us conform , without rules we would be doing mean things to each other and world would be crazy . I ask mum about all of this and she said me or Cameron are not wrong and she thinks God rules are good ones and if everyone followed theses rules no one would be hurt or upset . We went to see were the children sleep and they have their own rooms and you have what you want in them which is really good , and they have bathroom with pictures about how to brush your teeth properly , mum said I need one of them and the kind lady said she would do a copy for me , I have issues with brushing my teeth it’s a sensory thing it hurts my teeth and makes me feel ill . LVS Hassocks has animals in every classroom which is good for children like me every school should have this even children that don’t have problems they are getting some donkeys there . i am going there for a sleep over just to see what i really think about it all , I really love it but mum said we have to wait and see I don’t understand when mum said s that wait and see because nobody can wait for that long , your legs would hurt .
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